The Doghouse

I've been waiting to write this one since Sunday; congratulations are in order for a few reasons to this week's biggest loser and new tenant of THE DOGHOUSE: Nate "I have 17 job" Greene. And here's why:

• You should automatically be expelled from the league if you lose by more than 100 points. Are you fucking kidding me? I have never seen a worse display of fantasy football debauchery in my life. Nate probably had to take Monday off after that spanking Regan put on him.


• Nate, this next reason hit home to me personally as a surviving member of the Penobscot Indian tribe. I have great pride in the Native American blood flowing through my veins pale face. So for you to guard a monument that testifies to the slaughter of my people makes me sick. So a few of my cousins want to get trashed and take back what is rightfully theirs; who made you God to sit in an un-marked police van and stakeout the place...with a loaded side arm no less! My uncle, Chief Woon-soc-kett will be in the MField for Thanksgiving, I suggest making yourself scarce chalk skin.

**Since Penny is no longer with us I cannot use her name or image on this public domain, Jeff, I'm sure you'd understand.

I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK

I know, I know...it's been a while and much like when Tim drinks: I started out sprinting and hanging with the big boys but by 10:30 the blog was snoring on the couch next to the tacky "tap" lamp (think clap on/clap off) while Regan's blasting out Purple Rain on Guitar Hero, Nate's guarding the tractor and Ferris is groping the poor chickens next door.

A lot has happened in the last couple month in the good old BTree Invitational, some good some bad and even a few surprises...so let's start with the biggest one first:

Tom Brady..I mean Joe is in first!!

Wow, I mean is their a bigger feel good story in the entire league! Joe beats leprosy, clears up his rash and manages to come back and mastermind one of the most impressive fantasy seasons to date. Seriously, someone at MIT or NETTTS needs to perform an apendectomy on this genius's brain or something. Who would have thunk to draft Tom Brady, the best piece of ass in the NFL, after management went out and got Moss, Stallworth and Welker? A no brainer right? Wrong, any one of us could have got him but passed. Nice job Joe, you lucky mother fucker, and I hope you're getting just close enough to fantasy championship glory that you are starting to catch a whiff of that sweet smell of ultimate victory...'cause it's gonna" hurt that much more when I completely destroy you in the championship game.

Good luck w/ Priest by the way....loser.

BuckNasty, Jimmy, Regan and Jeff all at 6-4

Quite the battle brewing for that coveted second place spot heading into the playoffs, the spot I currently hold by the way.

Let's face it: Jim's gonna' fuck this thing up somehow, he's got a pretty decent team on paper but like my johnson after 10-15 gaggers Drew Brees will let him down when it matters most. Thanks for playing Jim, and nice washer boards by the way. P.S. I like my steak tips medium rare next August.

Jeff, you may be getting good at scooping Pickerel's off the linoleum but you're running back situation is about as strong as this guy. Sweet pick w/ Maroney and his 20 points.

Regan is for real, if it wasn't for his ridiculous trade offers and 15 tight ends I might actually fear this pretender. You know he looks up at the LT poster on his ceiling from 3 years ago and wonders how it all so went so horribly wrong.

My team is the best in the league and I've had a couple minor strategy issues this year, bumps in the road if you will. I've gotten it figured out now and guarantee that BTree honor will once again be restored to it's rightful owner. I am simply much, much better than anyone else in this league.

As for the rest of you pathetic pack of also rans, cellar dwellers, wingmen and homos...better luck next year. Except of course for Ferris and McIntyre who will be lucky to remain in the league; I like my pizza a bit crunchy and my margarita's a bit salty on draft day next year "men".