The Doghouse

I've been waiting to write this one since Sunday; congratulations are in order for a few reasons to this week's biggest loser and new tenant of THE DOGHOUSE: Nate "I have 17 job" Greene. And here's why:

• You should automatically be expelled from the league if you lose by more than 100 points. Are you fucking kidding me? I have never seen a worse display of fantasy football debauchery in my life. Nate probably had to take Monday off after that spanking Regan put on him.


• Nate, this next reason hit home to me personally as a surviving member of the Penobscot Indian tribe. I have great pride in the Native American blood flowing through my veins pale face. So for you to guard a monument that testifies to the slaughter of my people makes me sick. So a few of my cousins want to get trashed and take back what is rightfully theirs; who made you God to sit in an un-marked police van and stakeout the place...with a loaded side arm no less! My uncle, Chief Woon-soc-kett will be in the MField for Thanksgiving, I suggest making yourself scarce chalk skin.

**Since Penny is no longer with us I cannot use her name or image on this public domain, Jeff, I'm sure you'd understand.

I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK

I know, I know...it's been a while and much like when Tim drinks: I started out sprinting and hanging with the big boys but by 10:30 the blog was snoring on the couch next to the tacky "tap" lamp (think clap on/clap off) while Regan's blasting out Purple Rain on Guitar Hero, Nate's guarding the tractor and Ferris is groping the poor chickens next door.

A lot has happened in the last couple month in the good old BTree Invitational, some good some bad and even a few surprises...so let's start with the biggest one first:

Tom Brady..I mean Joe is in first!!

Wow, I mean is their a bigger feel good story in the entire league! Joe beats leprosy, clears up his rash and manages to come back and mastermind one of the most impressive fantasy seasons to date. Seriously, someone at MIT or NETTTS needs to perform an apendectomy on this genius's brain or something. Who would have thunk to draft Tom Brady, the best piece of ass in the NFL, after management went out and got Moss, Stallworth and Welker? A no brainer right? Wrong, any one of us could have got him but passed. Nice job Joe, you lucky mother fucker, and I hope you're getting just close enough to fantasy championship glory that you are starting to catch a whiff of that sweet smell of ultimate victory...'cause it's gonna" hurt that much more when I completely destroy you in the championship game.

Good luck w/ Priest by the way....loser.

BuckNasty, Jimmy, Regan and Jeff all at 6-4

Quite the battle brewing for that coveted second place spot heading into the playoffs, the spot I currently hold by the way.

Let's face it: Jim's gonna' fuck this thing up somehow, he's got a pretty decent team on paper but like my johnson after 10-15 gaggers Drew Brees will let him down when it matters most. Thanks for playing Jim, and nice washer boards by the way. P.S. I like my steak tips medium rare next August.

Jeff, you may be getting good at scooping Pickerel's off the linoleum but you're running back situation is about as strong as this guy. Sweet pick w/ Maroney and his 20 points.

Regan is for real, if it wasn't for his ridiculous trade offers and 15 tight ends I might actually fear this pretender. You know he looks up at the LT poster on his ceiling from 3 years ago and wonders how it all so went so horribly wrong.

My team is the best in the league and I've had a couple minor strategy issues this year, bumps in the road if you will. I've gotten it figured out now and guarantee that BTree honor will once again be restored to it's rightful owner. I am simply much, much better than anyone else in this league.

As for the rest of you pathetic pack of also rans, cellar dwellers, wingmen and homos...better luck next year. Except of course for Ferris and McIntyre who will be lucky to remain in the league; I like my pizza a bit crunchy and my margarita's a bit salty on draft day next year "men".

I don't even care

Yeah, yeah, yeah the first week of our draft is in the books and surprise, surprise yours truly was not only successful in absolutely crushing McIntyre but also easily took the weekly points leader. It went a little something like this:

I had a dream last Thursday night, in my dream I was down a well looking for the coin I had made an unfulfilled wish on ala Corey Feldman; next thing I know I come across this gorilla in a cave with a door behind him. Over the door is the name "Chester Copperpot"; in my dream I shattered the door with a solid roundhouse kick from hell. Once through I see sitting naked atop a pile of of pylons (I cannot make this stuff up) a girl I went to high school with named Taylor Nunes. I woke up sweating and immediately realized the importance of the divine message I had just received: Chester Taylor is doomed, I must start Adrian Peterson.

The rest is history boys...sorry about this weekend Joe. So far no dreams though so maybe you'll have a shot.

Joke of the Day

Joke: In a hospital waiting room a guy is anxiously waiting for his wife to have their first baby, after 2 hours, a nurse comes bouncing though the labor room doors with a little baby cradled in her arms and asks for Mr. Johnson.
The guy proudly announces," that would be me!" He jumps out of his chair and runs over to her and says, "is that my baby?", the nurse replies, "why yes!"
She starts to hand him the baby but instead grabs it by the feet, swings it over her head and slams it into the tile wall. It's brains and guts splatter everywhere; the guy then screams, "Jesus Christ, what in the hell did you do to my baby ? !!!!" she replies, "April Fools!, things been dead for an hour."

New additions!!: Penny's Dog House

I wanted to introduce a new member to the BTree Watchdog family: Penny's Dog House.

As it is warranted I will speak with Penny about some recent event, person or other little bitch that has really put a hair across her ass, bunched her panties, ruffled her feathers, chapped her hind quarters, got her hot under the collar, put her titties in a wringer, bundled her undies and just generally got her really fucking heated.

This week the inaugral distinction goes to:

Lloyd Carr, head coach Michigan

The biggest upset in college football history, period.

What a loser, this guy is. I mean, who doesn't go for two twice for no apparent reason? This game didn't even have a line it was so lopsided, Appalachian St. was scheduled to ease a very young Michigan defense into the season, it was played at the largest college stadium in the country with upwards of 150,000 seats all of which were filled with very loud Wolverine fans.

Bottom line: this shouldn't have happened and you have to blame the loser coach, he's lost 4 straight bowl games...Bo Shembeckler's rolling in his grave right now.

Lloyd, welcome to Penny's dog house my friend...may she drop a steaming pile of poo on your brainless head.

14 Year Old Hurls No No For Sox!!!!!

What a night, I was honored to be able to watch impossibly young looking Clay Buckholz toss an absolute gem en route to the first rookie no hitter in the history of the Bo' Sox. I remember certain moments in sports forever like Viantieri's kick against Oakland, the Sox winning it all and Pedro tossing Don "Little Gerbil" Zimmer...I remember exactly where I was and who I was with. Last night was one of those, it also marked the first time I've seen Tim cry....thanks beautiful.

In lieu of the recent mini-slide, including the three game sweep to the Yanks, I was starting to get a little fed up with the hometown team.

• JD Drew sucks, sucks, sucks (I wouldn't piss on him if he was burning to death)
• Manny is having one of the worst seasons of his career
• Papi can't get healthy (I love this man and always will)

You could practically feel the momentum reverse as the Red Hose finally looked like they shifted into 5th for the final straightaway into the playoffs. I feel a little better this morning.

P.S. Break out your buffalo skins and moccasins, we're going Injun huntin' next weekend!! FUCK YOU JOBA!!!!

What the fuck is going on here?

So Rodney Harrison is suspended for four games for mainlining growth to come back from an injury sooner, Brady is a father out of wedlock and looks like he doesn't give a fuck and Belichik is banging broads from Foxboro to New Jersey.

I don't like what I'm seeing. The Pats were the lily white virgins of the NFL the past 5 years and it paid off in the form of 3 Superbowl victories. Now we find out that the same little librarian is actually gang banging the entire senior class.

This is not good, this is not good at all.

Oh and by the way, Seymour's out for 6 weeks.

Karma's a bitch people.